My life

When I look back on the times in life that have got me where I am today, it doesn't feel like it was my life. Then I was like damn, you have to go through some traumatic shit to have to remind yourself that you did indeed live through that life. 

Skateboarding

Stoooooooked. The boyfriend taught me how to skateboard today. I'm in love. I ate shit once lol but was fine and jumped back on. Did I mention I love it? As soon as I can I am going to get a cruiser too so we can cruise around our little beach town together. He's been working with Jaid for awhile now she was doing ramps on her own today! She trips me out. 

I have attempted before to skateboard but it just never stuck. It would feel awkward with my feet (now that I learned my "style" it clicked hahaha) or I would be scared to get hurt now that it takes so long to recover. I'm glad I really just did it and figured it out. I feel Like the older we get the harder it is to convince ourselves to learn new things like that. Yay! I wish I had pictures but I was too busy. It's a work out! 

Everything

http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/ofmonstersandmen/lovelovelove.html

Love Is

Seeing the damage you cause by choices and by actions, and doing whatever it takes to make sure that you don't do that again to the people you love. It's seeing the pain in their hearts and not being able to be the reason they struggle. It's making the most important people in your life, your most important priorities. I'm learning what love is. I'm learning what it looks like to have someone look me in the face and say, "I am sorry I hurt you. I am sorry I put you through that. I refuse to do that to you again." And then to watch those words be followed by promises kept. Safety. Comfort. Love is forgiving mistakes because your partner makes sure they give you every tool you need TO forgive them. Love is forgiveness and looking past the bad times because you actually move past the bad times. Not only is impossible to forgive someone who says they are sorry but then continually makes the same choice to hurt you, but it as also impossible to respect them. You earn trust by protecting the people you love even from yourself. You choose not to do damage. And when you do, you do whatever it takes to make sure you don't put that wedge in again. Love is forgiveness and love is protection. Love is following through. Forgiveness is a partnership. You forgive someone and you hope with every fiber in you that they don't do it again. Asking for forgiveness is asking the person you hurt to give you the opportunity to turn around and do it again to them and asking for their trust that you won't. So when you do, it stings that much more. 

Endometriosis PCOS Birth control?

So here I am fighting with insurance about birth control. I deal with really bad PCOS and Endo. Trying to figure out a hormone therapy that will work, but of course.... Insurance is a huge pain in my ass. I've heard so many mixed thing about Mirena as well as other birth controls ( and before you go comment on about your own experience with any of these, please save it. Unless you deal with PCOS and especially endo, you have not a clue what you are talking about. A normal person body on these type of things are a world of difference away from someone with endo and using these for hormonal therapy to get pain relief. Experiences and outcomes have nothing to do with one another's.) some people say that Mirena is a cure all hormone for endo while some say it made life hell. The same with a lot of the pill forms. I don't know if I want to hold out and fight insurance for the pill or just say fuck it and get fitted for the Mirena. I had the para guard (which like I said has nothing to do with this because that is hormone free and Mirena is not as well as my para guard was almost 7 years ago and right after having a baby so my body has a way better chance of reacting better to Mirena.) I don't know. I do however know thAt it has only been a few short months since surgery and all my symptoms are coming back fairly quickly. Just long enough to forget you suffer from this shit but not long enough to live any kind of actual life before it comes creeping back in reminding you of the hell you were in just month prior. Fuuuuuuuuck my body. 

Teacher Chelsea

I landed a job teaching preschool again. I'm over the moon about it. I missed it more than I could explain to anyone. The money is awesome, school is paid for, the hours are long but that is a small sacrifice in the bigger picture. I'm really happy. I spent an hour at the school yesterday and had to tear myself away. I love what I do, genuinely love it in my soul. The fact that I am really good at it? That is a plus in itself. But to really good at something you have so much passion for is a win win. This job means so much more than a job and I won't elaborate because I don't expect anyone to really understand it. But this is huge for me. 

Changes

Just when I think I've got it all figured out, life throws some loops. I have an amazing man behind me and a family I couldn't be closer to on my side so I know I'll always be ok. When one door shuts, some others seem to fling wide open. I got to catch up on sleep today. Lots and lots of glorious MUCH needed sleep. It felt amazing. Then date day/night tomorrow with the man, kid free! It's been a minute. Shit happens for a reason. 

New job.

The new job is good. It is hard on my body. The hours are so early. I'm happy though, so it doesn't matter. I have a purpose per say and a bit of adult contact day to day other than the man and the babe. Money is good, attitude is good. All in all, it's all good. Going back to finish up school, life is coming together. I love that I still have so much time with jaid. I'm just really happy and grateful right now and trying to hold onto this positive hopeful feeling. This week is going to be fun :) Ash and Audrey, Fourth of July. I'm stoked.