Faaaaaaaat

I am so fat right now. Huge. This is the biggest I've been and oddly it is the most comfortable I have felt in my skin. I do want to lose just cause I really don't feel like having to buy all new clothes and I barely fit in mine. It's hard though, I work so much. I don't even have a day off until September. I need to buy a skateboard to use on my lunch break, it puts me in a really nice headspace. My bed is calling my name, it misses me. I miss my boyfriend and my kid.  Grateful I have a couple hours with my lady everyday before bed. I'm extremely grateful that I have such a devoted partner that can step up and pull weight as a parent. Their bond has got so strong now that he is home with her durning the day. I'm thankful I have a partner that can and will do the parent thing all day then go to work u til 2am everyday. It's nice not to feel like 100% of the weight is on my shoulders. It's nice to breathe. But it makes me sad cuz we barely see each other. We dont. We're in the same house together like three hours a day? I'm going as he's coming and vise versa. All for Jaidybaby though and our family. I feel him crawl into bed and wrap his arms around me and kiss my head goodnight. Its enough, just barely but enough to  get me through my day. He's asleep snoring when I kiss him goodbye. It's rough. I miss him and I don't do well with that. I stone my emotions and I push away, being a huge bitch has alwaysbeen easier for me to deal with than feeling sad or hurt or in need of emotions. I need to work on being vulnerable. Week one of August down. Three?....more to go? Now for some sweet sweet treasured sleep!