The best me

I 100% believe that we are who we hang out with. We absorb energy from the people around us. I see a huge difference in my happiness and frame of mind between when I am around someone who is constantly negative and Someone who is usually upbeat and positive. Maybe it's laughter, maybe it's not taking on all the negative that people put out. For my own sanity though, I can't deal with people who are gnarly negative and always in a foul mood. Life too short to get that down. Inhale positivity exhale negativity.

No heal :(

I'm at my limit dealing. I need to get back to running and normal. I'm going stir crazy. My body isn't healing right, my poor stomach is just getting worse. I can barely move and standing makes me dizzy. Ugh. Day 5??i think. 

Love is...

Hiding apple juice in the fridge for you to find even though you told him not to buy it because it's your weakness and you'll get fat. 

Favorite line

You're the latest version of the same old you. 

Tisk tisk

I'll just leave this here to enjoy...

So much is different

I keep sitting here. Staring at the blinking cursor. No words on the page. My body so full of emotion and I can't seem to find the tap to the letting them run. This post probably won't make sense to many. It will probably be a small glimpse into "making sense" to the rear. Cracking myself open I guess.

How do you tell someone you don't love the same? When you can't even makes sense of it to yourself? How do you tell someone you've put grown them. That they too, as much as they don't want to accept it, have outgrown you. Something you thought was so right, it turns out so wrong, and tasting those words on your lips are bitter and sour to say the least. That there are some things that will never change. That things that should have changed, didn't. And with that came the changing of things that shouldn't have. How do you make someone who wants to see an old picture realize that while they were drowning, you someone how painted over the canvas before you knew what your hands were doing? How do you tell someone that you no longer want to be the name on thee lips? Because yes it's been your place for years you're numb there. Its hard to imagine another name, wen you've lived so comfortably being the name to slip off their lips when asked why they do it? When aske who they hate or who they love? You know it will be your name. It doesn't matter. Ask the man who broke him? It my name. Ask him who he can't live without? It's my name. It's exhausting to have someone cling so tight to you that you can't breathe your own air, but to have that same person hold you at such a distance from a penalizing finger. It gets to the point where you have no clue which was is up or down. You're just in a whirlwind of egg shells. 

That person, never picked up the pieces though. The pull, it listened. How do you tell them? Tell them that the pull you seem to have one them...someone else has on you. 

Alive

 I don't have a lot to say. Jaidy is at such a fun age. The stress of motherhood had died down to nearly no work at all. She's such an old soul. I feel like I live with a teenage roommate sometimes and not a 6 year old kindergartener. She really is my way friend. She is so helpful and responsible. She's sarcastic and has the best bitchy sense of humor. She is the sweetest kid I know and she really tries so hard to be a good person. I would be so incredibly lost without her last few weeks. The last month or so has been the hardest I have ever endured. A lot of people have had my back and I'm so grateful. This kid though, she shines so bright when I need her most. She's my teammate. She's my constant. She's my comfort. I'm proud and lucky to be her mama.